From Malaysia to Mayberry

Well, I suppose it was bound to happen. We American-Asians get homesick from time to time. So, we decided to go back to Mayberry a year early for 5 weeks, and here's a few musings of the trip.

1. Intercontinental flying, take two -- This whole blog thing was inspired by my less-than-fun gastrointestinal hell when we first flew to Asia last summer. If you're new to the MtoM blogosphere, you can read all about my tumultuous time here. Eating bland food on both ends of the trip, I was able to have a whole different perspective on intercontinental travel. For one, I was able to sleep this time instead of sitting on the toilet for the majority of the trip. This was fine until I realized Jared had his head placed firmly on my femoral artery for about 3 1/2 hours on our way to L.A. from China. Imagine about 10,000 tiny pins piercing through the bottom of your foot all at once as the blood flow returned. The trip over to 'Muricah was pretty uneventful otherwise, save missing our connector flight due to a mysterious "fallen passenger" in the Guangzhou airport. We were set to board after an hour delay and were making it through the line when it suddenly stopped. Ethan went ahead of the other three of us to the plane. Suddenly we were not allowed to move forward. Apparently, someone had fallen on the ramp to the tarmac. Also apparent was the fact that no one in China is trained on how to handle such a situation. Countless China Southern attendants and airport workers huddled around discussing the situation, but no one seemed to do anything about it. Note to any Chinese people who might be in this predicament going forward. If someone falls, help them up.

(Translated) "Read it again! It has to be in there somewhere. 'What to do when someone falls' -- check the index!"

Now, as accident prone as Ethan tends to be, I will admit I had a sneaking suspicion he might be involved. In fact, it was kind of sweet (shocking?) to see how worried Jared was about his big brother. But, in typical teenage boy form, we found him at his seat, headphones on, screaming, "This entertainment system is awesome!!! Hey ... where were you guys?"

Now, the trip back to China was quite fun. Each of us received a little baggie that contained a blindfold, ear plugs like you'd use in a woodshop, a toothbrush, Chinese toothpaste and a comb. That was big time. It was just a riding crop away from being 50 Shades of Tool Time with Tim and his minty fresh breath and impeccable hair. I slept for almost 7 hours this time around! I guess it was the combination of the goodies in the baggie and the thermo-nuclear blankets Chinese people use to treat hypothermia. I guess those blankets are used to prep your body for the People's Republic of no Air-Conditioned airports. Between being able to count the dust particles in the air outside the terminal, the balmy 80 degree inside and $13 coffee, I think the layover in Hong Kong 2014 was a much better experience.

This poster was obviously created in a Chinese factory ... I think they kind of missed the point though. 

UPDATE (added 12:52 June 28) -- I forget this the first time I published. When we were leaving RDU to head to Los Angeles, the TSA worker asked Jared what his name was as she checked his passport. Not having known Jared for more than a nanosecond, she did not know what she was in for. "Jared Gray Lowe," he told her. "Nothing fishy about me." To my knowledge, this woman is still laughing. I know she was when we were well through the X-ray machines. This is my life. All the time. Jared never turns off.


2. You can't see everybody all the time -- No matter how we would have arranged this trip, we weren't going to see everyone. We kind of kept it on the down low for that reason, but that darn Facebook and posts like this one kind of let the cat out of the bag:

I may not have a future in the C.I.A. 

So, we had to make the quick, impromptu decision to focus on the "need'tas" over many of the "want'tas" on the visit spectrum. A "want'ta" consists of people you have worked with, gone to college with, shared a bus seat with and so on. The "need'tas" are folks that maybe you hadn't seen in quite some time, or meant to see before you left to see the other side of the world but didn't have time because the Malaysian government has really weird residency requirements when it comes to paying taxes. So, if you are among the few dozen people who wanted to see us when we were in but did not make the cut (and, many of you have made that quite clear via social media), it was not personal. We obviously spent about 85% of the time with our parents. Along the way, I saw a couple of great aunts now in their 90s, my wonderful 4th grade teacher who was celebrating her birthday with a few hundred of her closest friends, Norm and his chillren, Norma and Normette along with his mom. I also got to see my Aunt Rachel for the first time in forever and let her know what a wonderful influence she was on me growing up. That seemed to make her happy. I know this because she kept telling me, "You have no idea how happy this makes me." I'm good at reading people. It's why I'm so good at online poker.

For the 15% of the time we were in the Triangle, that was spent with Meg and Amy. When you have friends as dear and close as they have been for nearly 20 years now, you want to get in as much time as you can. They were gracious hosts, and I think the boys only broke three or four things while we were there. So, yeah, that's pretty good overall.

3.  We miss baseball -- So, Ethan and I did manage to sneak away to the Cedar Ridge-Orange attempt at at summer baseball game one Wednesday night. Prior to 2 inches of rain falling in about 30 minutes, it was great to see a couple of baseball mama colleagues, the new press box and the brick backstop. Good to know all those sweltering days conducting camps were put to good use. We stumbled across Ethan's former coach and he invited us to play in a tournament while we were in. Make no mistake about it, there are NO viable baseball opportunities in Malaysia. If you are reading this and considering a move to the peninsula, I cannot express this enough. There are a couple of little league teams, but it's not N.C. competitive baseball. So, we jumped at the chance. It was great to see Ethan on the field again, but it was also great to catch up with our old ball field buddies. When you spend freezing March mornings and sweltering June afternoons under a canopy tent with folks, you build a bond. The boy played well considering he only played in one tournament the whole time we have been American-Asians. I can't believe I'm saying this out loud, but I think I took baseball for granted even though it was a part of my life pretty much since I was 8 years old.

So, yeah, maybe they updated the uniforms since we left, but other than that it was just like old times. #shadeofgray

4. Summer sleeping (had me a blast ... of pain in my back) -- So, we're homeless now. We sold the house back in October, just before Halloween. I kept walking by the house while we were staying at Meg and Amy's, but the new owners never came out to see me. I thought they would be like, "Oh, thank you for giving us your house for a song! We are so blessed to live in a home that was full of love before us! You have given us a reason to move on in our lives!" Or something like that. They basically just stayed in the whole time. But, being homeless brings up a whole new batch of problems. Like, where were we going to sleep? Say no more! After five weeks of living out a suitcase and traveling from twin bed to couch to floor and so on, I now have ample excuse to get 2-to-3 massages a week! One of the cool surprises was the summer home my mom and dad bought for us! To some it may simply look like an Amish-built storage building, but when you've got DLC ingenuity and Janie at the design helm, it becomes so much more. Completely tricked out with bunk beds and a generator-powered A/C unit, we spent a lot of time at the summer home. This allowed for lots of fun -- and it was nice to not share a couch with my mom's dogs as in previous visits.

The summer house that love built (along with some Amish guy named Ronald or some Amish name like that).

I also got to mow -- a lot! I really like mowing. I guess I had taken that for granted, too. Living in a concrete jungle of 4.2 million people can do that for you. I guess I could volunteer to mow the field at MKIS, but the guy in charge of that likes to push mow. I'll let him keep push mowing a soccer field in 90 degree shadeless heat. But, mowing the area outside the summer home along our creek was just one of the ways I made it more homey. I also found a place for my painting of Angkor Wat I purchased while in Cambodia. Now, you're going to be AMAZED after you look at the picture below, but Jill didn't really want to the painting to be hung in our American-Asian condo. Luckily, it was a perfect fit for the Amishtron 3000 Summer chateau.

Look at those colors! How much would you pay for such a work of art? Thousands? Tens of thousands? 

5. Pork-a-Palooza 2015 (with apologies to Robin and Blaine) -- We might have made the mistake of telling people how much we miss eating things like bacon and sausage. I say this because everywhere we stayed, we were inundated with pork. Now, I'm not complaining. I'm all about some pig, but what I have come to realize is that pork products fulfill the three major Southern food groups at an alarming rate: 1) Fat; 2) Sodium; 3) Yumminess. Now, if it weren't for those first two, the third wouldn't be that big of a deal. But, that yummy factor really makes you want to keep eating said pork goodness. Factor in trips to Scoops and Speedy Chef in Mount Airy along with Goodberrys and Krispy Kreme in Durham and you've got the making of some serious weight gain. Moving back to the peninsula might ultimately save our lives. Oh, and a true story ... as we were devouring a dozen KK doughnuts, Ethan said, "I don't remember the last time I had one of these!" I do ... like 2 months ago. There's about three KKs within 15 miles of our Condo. Heck, I walked past one yesterday as I tried to shed some fatback off my fat back. But, we're back on the bandwagon now. I swam for 30 minutes yesterday morning at 7 a.m. before walking for 2 1/2 hours. I mean, I had been awake for four hours, so it wasn't that big of a deal. Which brings us to the last key point ...

6. Jet lag is worse coming back than going to 'Muricah -- Maybe it was the excitement of seeing our family for the first time in a year. Maybe it was the belly full of Chick-fil-A we had devoured in the Atlanta airport. For whatever reason, we really adjusted to good ol' Eastern Daylight Time at at record pace. It was great to see the sun up past 7:30 p.m. It was rather cool to sleep until 9 a.m. the next day. That has not been the case since we returned. "First breakfast" and "Second breakfast" are now part of our American-Asian lexicon. We actually slept until 4:30 this morning. It was great. Jill had to go to work this morning. Nothing like being up for 4 1/2 hours before you head off to work, huh? On that note, I guess I should go take her some 3rd breakfast, or 1st lunch, or whatever it is.

Until next time ... glad to have you back, blogosphere fans.