Culture Shock

Hello True Believers, Sports Fans and Insightful Folks. It is I, me, the guy you used to read weekly and then he disappeared into the Blogosphere. For those of you clamoring for more wit and charm, I have made like pre-gubernatorial Ah-nold and held to my promise to be back.

So, here's the deal. My last post was on August 10th, and we started school on August 12th. You can do the math. I mean, I have less students, but I still have three preps, two of which I have never taught. I have great curriculum maps to build upon, but it's been like being a first-year teacher all over again. You have to learn your way around the school, memorize names, learn who your hookups are in the copying center, maintenance and the lunchroom (for the record, that would be Kamal, Marvin and Connie in that order).

Plus, learning names like Myung Ho, Takahiro, Shota and Kristen take a bit longer to remember than names like Tracy, Katy, Patrick and Kristen. I mean, Kristen is a HARD name to remember. I actually called her Isabel today (yes, true story ... I really did, and she's an American kid).

Oh, and then there was that severe bout of culture shock I went through where all I wanted to do was get on a plane, see my best friends, their kids and eat my mom's home cooking (and El Corral, of course) for every meal. Culture shock is real. We got pamphlets and web links and handouts and all that jazz, but who were they fooling? I was 'Murican, and we can handle anything! We've survived Pearl Harbor, 9/11, boy bands and the Teletubbies. But, as I took out my frustrations on the three people I love the most (sorry to my wife and kids there, eh?), I tried to make the most of being surrounded by Canadians, Koreans, bustling traffic that doesn't stop for pedestrians, service contractors that don't show up (twice) despite you taking off work, and more rice and noodles than I ever thought I could imagine. Yeah, I know ... I've been to the archives. I know I was raving about the food in those first couple of blogs. But, that is to be expected as culture shock is real. Want proof? Why, here's a graphic:

Northeastern wouldn't make something like this up, now would they? Thanks, by the way, NU. Hope to see you in the first round of the NCAA tournament soon because that would mean the Heels are a No. 1 seed!

 So, let me take you through the phases from my perspective:

1. Everything is interesting -- yeah, that basically manifested itself in food, I'll admit it. I've had Nasi Lemak several times since that initial review. It's still pretty good, but what in the world was I raving about back then? It's rice, spicy sauce, chicken and some sardines. In fact, the last couple of batches I got, all I could see were the little eyeballs looking back at me. Ugh. But,  for that first month -- WHEN I WASN'T WORKING, it was like an extended vacation where you just wanted to take in the sites. Everything was new and exciting and you were patting yourself on the back for the best decision you'd ever made. But then ...

2. Differences become apparent -- We're not just talking about the fact folks drive on the left side of the road here, and steering wheels are on the right. About three days into work starting, everything just started seeming different. It's hard to explain -- nothing changed, just my perspective. Instead of celebrating diversity, I started to focus on it. I joke with people all the time that Malaysia is the only place in the world where four people can be speaking in English to each other and no one knows what the other is saying. Don't get me wrong, we are blessed to have started our international teaching careers in an English speaking country. I've heard pretty tough stories from folks who started out in Paraguay, Bangladesh, Cambodia, Vietnam and other various places you occasionally hear about on CNN. Also, I suddenly became the spokesperson for all things American -- people would ask me why the riots in Missouri were happening. I've been to St. Louis once for a day trip. Hit the arch, saw Busch Stadium and headed for Kansas City for some ribs and Blues music that night. It probably didn't help I suddenly started referring to all White people here as Gringos. Oddly enough, I think it's sticking. Did I mention I miss El Corral?

Kansas City ... where playoff baseball returns after 20 years ... no rioting there. Just baseball and Arthur Bryant Ribs. 

3. Homesick and Depression -- Yeah, about 3 weeks into the school year, this hit like a ton of bricks. I can just about put my finger on the calendar date. But, that would require me to get up and walk to the kitchen and that's about 3.5 meters away.

For your convenience to measure my American-Asian laziness

Maybe it was having to convert everything to the metric system; maybe it was getting tired of dodging traffic at a red light in a cross walk; maybe it was the lack of red meat and/or bacon. I'm pretty sure it was the fact that my Cedar Ridge family was starting year 13 without me. That was A LOT tougher than I was expecting. I hear things are going pretty well without me though, so I guess getting some dead weight out of the way must have reinvigorated the Red Wolves. :)

Whatever it was, I hated this place. I mean, I hated this place. I second guessed every aspect of this decision. Murphy's Law speaks many languages, and Murphy himself was fluent in Bahasa Malay for quite a time period. Anything and everything I touched, considered, contacted or involved myself in turned to crap it seemed. It was all because of "the way they did things" and not what I was doing. I actually went online and priced return trips to the US (it was $1,752 with two stops in Hong Kong and San Francisco, incidentally). I looked for loopholes throughout the contract. I avoided Vibering/iMessaging with family and friends back home because all I wanted to do was cry ... and I did. People tell you that you can dehydrate in the tropics. Yeah, I almost did, and I never left the condo and into the humidity. It was rough. Even my mom and dad somehow picked up on it because they kept sending me little pick-me-up messages, and not those cheesy viral ones you see with kittens and yarn balls and stuff on Facebook.

Dusty and Janie would not approve of this as appropriate motivation to overcome culture shock.

I have amazing parents in case you were wondering. And, apparently I have a pretty special wife, too. So, while I was pouting and crying and screaming and storming out of the room at the drop of a hat (or, typically Jared and Ethan running across the condo), Jill apparently was telling all her family that I had hit rock bottom. I started getting random emails, texts, Viber messages and the like from her parents, sisters and brother-in-laws. It was a like a multi-generational, multi-national cyber intervention suddenly. I think it finally hit me how badly I was acting when I was playing 2048 (read: using the toilet) mid-day and I realized my brother-in-law was texting me at 4:30 a.m. Gringo time just to check on me. Then, something kind of cool just happened. I rode the train.

4. Coping Strategies and Adaption -- I'm not 100 percent sure why riding a mass transit train through the inner city of Kuala Lumpur cleansed me of stage 3. Maybe it was the fact I was able to navigate the whole system on my own, starting with the crazy lines at the automated token stand all the way to boarding via the pushing and shoving that is the Asian Stereotype.


Okay, it's not this bad, but it can get quite crowded, I assure you. I think what happened was, as I looked around the train and saw a myriad of different cultures -- Korean, Chinese, Japanese, African, Indian, Malay, Gringos from random places like Europe, Australia and New Zealand -- I oddly felt like I was one of them. I didn't see "them" and it wasn't me against them. For the first time it was "us". We were all living in this city of 4.2 million people, and we all had our different stories. No one was right, no one was wrong, we were just all different people with somewhere we needed to be. As I looked at the graffiti covered walls of the waste system that runs parallel to the transit system, I found an odd beauty in its design and details. And to think, I was just looking to buy a new golf bag at a downtown mall, and somehow I found serenity and peace. I assure you, that is the only time I will ever type the words "golf", "serenity" and "peace" in the same sentence (Yes, I realize I just did it again).

I feel you, senior Gringo. I feel you ...

So, I guess right now I'm hanging tough in Phase Four. I'm beginning to make new friends, but I still miss the others back home like crazy. Facebook helps, but it's not the same. Vibering my mom, sister and dad every week is cool, but I'm going to miss hugging them come Thanksgiving and Christmas time. And I still so dearly miss Meg, Amy, Ella and Kate. But, they are helping me cope in their own special way. Thanks to technology and their graciousness (and Dish Network's "anywhere, anytime" feature), I have access to Gringo television! So, we get to watch Grey's Anatomy, and Saturday Night Live and yes, despite the woeful porous defense, I am yet to miss a UNC football game. I'm playing Fantasy Football, and I'm playing golf again. I guess you can say I'm coping. I've even come up with a decent recipe for homemade chicken and chorizo fajitas here, but it's not El Corral. Have I mentioned how much I miss El Corral?

Phase 5 is supposedly in the "Que" but I'm going to hold off on that one, and I'm terrified of that second half of the graphic about returning home. But, for now, I'm coping, I'm adjusting, I'm accepting and I'm happy again. I'm blessed to have this opportunity, a supportive family and wonderful friends. The boys are figuring out the new expectations of a new school, new cultures, and we even have Jared playing basketball. He is the "5" and his job is to rebound. Jill is happy as a pig in mud (we don't use that colloquialism around here that much for some reason) in her position, and she's ready to get out there and see the country outside of the city like Ethan and I were able to do last week. We're heading to Langkawi in about 20 days. That's going to be fun. (Oh, just go Google it already ... I'm tired of pirating online pics. It's 11:30 in the morning there ... I gotta go to bed)

I'll try to post more often now. In the meantime, go to my Facebook page and enjoy all the cool pics I've posted since leaving the dreaded Phase 3.

Peace,
JLowe