A weekend of cultural fun!

To appease those of you who were ready to jump ship from the MayberrytoMalaysia blogosphere, I come to you yet again on Sunday afternoon! So, you only had to wait about five days for this one after a two-week hiatus prior. I aim to please. And, though the Ridge folks really enjoyed that last one about similarities and differences of the two schools, the rest of you were probably bored to tears.

So, I come back to you today in a more neutral forum. We've had a lot of really cool cultural things happen in the last three days or so, and I wanted to share! These will take the form of four separate minuets, stages, acts ... whatever you want to call it.

ACT ONE -- Boy's Night

Ethan, Jared and I were needing a boys' night out. You can only take so much Jill, right? Oh, I'm just joshing ... of course we love our mom/wife figure and all, but Boy's Night is very special to us. It's a tradition that basically was born from two origins ... my absenteeism during baseball season (which, you'll remember is 14 months out of the year if you're doing it right), and Jill's former book club which took her to the far reaches of Oxford and Rawlee one Wednesday a month for about a decade. That said, Boy's Night usually involved copious amounts of food being consumed by me and the Worms, and then some type of fun activity. Since this was our first Boy's Night over here on the other side of the world, we went conservative and decided to go hit "Guardians of the Galaxy" and the local Cineplex. Simple enough, right?

Wrong. Very wrong.

First off, we don't have a car here. One cool thing about Malaysia is a locally manufactured car known as a Proton. Oddly enough, even though oil is one of the three major exports of Malaysia, Protons run on natural gas (well, it's a hybrid, but the Taxi drivers never let the tank get low enough to kick in the petrol b/c it's much, much more expensive. So, if you want to buy an export (read: any car in the world besides a Proton), you have to pay the sticker price, plus a 100% tariff tax. No, I didn't mistype that. If you want a Nissan that lists for $24,000 in Hong Kong, you're taking it off the lot new for $48,000 here. Therefore, the Lowes rely on free shuttles and taxis! Oddly enough, even though the big oil companies have convinced Congress that natural gas will blow up a car instantaneously, we are yet to see any of the 2.4 million of them in the city spontaneously combust (political aside for the day).

The free shuttle took us to the Mid Valley Mega Mall ... as appropriately named a structure as there ever has been. We estimate we probably saw about 1/10th of the mall yesterday as we tried to find the movie theatre (pronounced: "The-uh-truh" I have come to realize ... that Queen's English sure is cool). We got there about an hour and 45 minutes before the show. This would give us ample time to get tickets ... or so we thought.

The line ... and we were in the middle of it!

The 5 o'clock show was already sold out, and we were holding our breath hoping we could get one of the remaining 12 seats for the 5:30 show. You see, when you are in a "Q" (which is Malaysian for line), you need something to pass your time. So, they let you know EXACTLY how close you are to seeing Teenage Muntant Ninja Turtles instead of your intended movie. But, we made it, just in time to find out that Malaysian The-uh-truhs have assigned seats. The only ones left -- the three at the far left of the front row. But, the next available show was at 7, and the thought of "Q'ing" again terrified us. And, I wasn't about to spend my first Malaysian cinema experience watching overgrown Big 10 mascots trained by a hamster fight Shredded Cheese Man. I much rather wanted to see a raccoon and tree fight a galactic conquerer! Much higher level of verisimilitude there!

Now, for the good part. The three of us got our tickets for a combined $31RM. I'm sick and tired of you guys not utilizing your Ringitt converter I provided last month, so I'll let  you in on a secret -- just divide by 3. That's right -- three movie tickets for $10USD total. Pretty good, and then you realize that you can get a large tub of caramel popcorn for $8RM (about $2.50) and a $4RM soda (a little over a buck) -- and you'll realize just how much you're getting ripped off at the American thee-ay-turs. 

With the extra time, we decided to get some authentic Malaysian cuisine within the mall. We went to the Pancake House (where I got the Southern delicacy of Fried Chicken and Waffles), and got a dozen Krispy Kreme assorted flavor doughnuts for "take away" (Malaysian for "to go"). Though Mary was not impressed that I was from North Carolina and spent a lot of time at the original KK (Mary actually responded: "I am Mary; I'm glad to make your acquaintance -- $23.40 Ringitt, please), I will say the varieties over here are outstanding. So, a dozen assorted for about $5.50 USD.  Our choices -- Chocolate filled, PBJ and Chocolate, Custard filled Chocolate covered, Caramel Cookie, Oreo and four original glazed for good measures. Let's be honest -- you just can't get more Malaysian than that! How much did you spend for that last assorted dozen stateside? 

The movie experience was awesome. We were able to move back three rows enabling us to ogle a green Zoe Zaldana without having to move our heads (puberty is alive and well  in the Lowe Condo). Super sound system, great picture quality and the largest mall in SE Asia. Those of you who thought we were moving to a land of Tiki Huts and indigenous tribes would have gone into culture shock last night!

CULTURAL EXPERIENCE NO. 1 -- American movie, American Mall, American food.

ACT TWO -- Chinese Ghost Month Ceremony

Technically, this one happened fourth out of the four events, but for the sake of making sense, I have to explain it second. I have provided THIS LINK for you to learn more about the Chinese tradition of Ghost month. In a nutshell, the Chinese dearly departed get a bit cranky and needy about this time of year. There are about seven different traditions I've come to learn. Why the sudden interest? Well, on the way back from a "staff bonding soirée" (more on that in Act Three), we saw an older Chinese gentleman and three younger folks randomly burning things in the street adjacent to the sidewalk. Now, there are plenty of things that burn in this city -- Palm Oil plantations regularly burn stripped land and stumps to fertilize before planting the next run. This leads to a pretty hazy day from time to time around here. But, this was 11 p.m., and typically burning in the middle of the street isn't acceptable (though I fully expect a bonfire if Malaysia wins a World Badminton Title as expected!) in any circumstance. We stopped with a couple of new pals to find out what was going on -- that's what Gringos do when we are stupefied by non-White folk behavior. Sort of like one of those early scenes in "Remember the Titans," right? Anyway, they explained Ghost Month to us and explained that burning random pieces of paper in front of your home (in this case, their ridiculously nice condo) would appease the ghosts and they would grant you prosperity going forward. Since we are broke right now, and just because you want ghosts on your side, we threw a few pieces on, secured our place as the nosy Americans, and moved on.

I found out today that apparently there IS a ghost story associated with our condo -- score one for the Gringos! Way to plan accordingly (even if it were blind coincidence ... or was it? Cue Twilight Zone score now).

CULTURAL EXPERIENCE NO. 2 (or 3, technically) -- Chinese tradition, Chinese folks with an American twist.

ACT THREE --  Oat and Aboat with the Canadians, eh? 

Alright, I love some Canadians. I really, really do. They are funny ...

Wait ... is this the right Mike Myers?

They are athletic ...

Before he was famous for his daughter's good looks

They make a mean coffee and doughnut combination ...

Janice Gilreath's Summer Breakfast of Champions

I haven't even mentioned the maple syrup, wool cap toques or the fact they conceded the War of 1812 after kicking our tails for two years simply because they're just that nice. Well, apparently they send quite a gaggle of international teachers oat and aboat (that's Canadian for "out and about" if you're not bilingual like me. I also speak Scottish, Irish, New Zealand, Australian and three different types of British for those scoring at home. I'm most fluent in Westender I have come to find). So, for the intent and purpose of this blog, we are also considering Wisconsin and Minnesota as part of Canada, because, well ... just because. They kinda talk funny, too, those folks from Minn-E-Soh-tah and Wis-KAN-sin. You know what I'm talking about (nudging you in the ribs with my multi-lingual elbow). 

So, the point of all this is Canadians do neat things to raise money for Cancer awareness. Like, basically, break every one of the "do not do's" you found on your previous link to Ghost Month. See why that had to go first now? I actually do plan these things oat (sorry, I was in Canadian mode). 

First things first, Canadians set up a race for the whole school and the money goes to Cancer research. That doesn't bother Chinese ghosts to the best of my knowledge. The rest ... well, it's pretty darn funny, actually. Here are the Chinese traditions and how they were ironically stepped upon this weekend:

1. Do not go out after 7 p.m. during Ghost Month -- after the 4 p.m. race, the entirety of the racers go out and frolic amongst the shopkeepers and pub owners of an area known as Solaris around these parts. It went a long, long time. Remember when I told you we were heading home around 11 when we saw the Ghostfire? 

2. Refrain from wearing red at night -- yeah, the name of the race was the "Red Dress Hash" -- this is where lots of Canadian men wear women's dresses (usually about 7 sizes too small), run about a mile, and then wear said red dresses well past 7 p.m. I am not sure where Chinese ghosts stand on bad wigs, but there were a few of those, too. 

3. Don't turn your head if you hear your name called at night -- well, those clever Canadians must have known aboat this one! Instead of your actual names, everyone is given a nickname for the race and the post-race frivolity via the organizers' whims. For instance, Jill's given nickname was "Chicken Fried" ... I'm about 87% sure the Canadian contingency came up with this while drinking a cold beer on a Friday night. Though she wasn't wearing a pair of jeans that fit just right (I mean, it's a tropical climate for goodness sakes), it may have had more to do with her accent. An accent described as "the most American accent" our friend Owen had ever heard. And, he lived in the states for quite some time before returning Down Under! Luckily, no one called "Jill" across the way, forcing her turn her head. They just rambled on about how Southern we are. That takes us to the final act ...

Cultural Experience: Canadian runners/cross dressers, Southern US-drawl nicknames.

ACT FOUR: Rhinestone Cowboys

Have you ever seen Mickey Rooney's turn as a Japanese Man in "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by any chance? Well, if you haven't go watch it real quick-like -- fast forward to the 3 minute mark if you don't like the best scene in the movie (outside of the Moon River window scene, of course):

It's been called one of the most racially insensitive portrayals in history. And, if you're growing up in Bottom or Little Utah, it might be your only exposure to Japanese culture (other than a rare jaunt to a Japanese Steakhouse in Winston-Salem for a special occasion). Well, I'm not holding Mickey accountable, and I'm not holding the Malays accountable for their misconstrued idea of what America is. We have encountered three "American style" moments in our first month -- Belgian waffles at the mall, "America World" at the Amusement/Water Park and now the "Saloon" Bar and Restaurant at Solaris this weekend. Apparently, the only American movies Malaysians watched growing up featured either John Wayne or John Travolta wearing chaps. American World at Sunway Park featured all Wild-West themed rides with bad Travis Tritt and Toby Keith songs playing in the background. The saloon last night featured a mechanical bull. Yep ... we both rode it. We had to, apparently. Since we are from the South, the assumption amongst all the Canadians and Upper Midwest folks was that we both would ride that steel woven beast to the limit. For the record, it looked more like a yak than a bull, but we rode. And not that well. In fact, the guy who made it the full minute is from Ontario and lived in Vancouver before moving here.

As I explained to one perplexed staff member after being thrown only 15 seconds in, "Where I'm from, we milk cows, not ride them. Trust me ... you don't want to make that mistake with a bull."

Cultural experience: Uh ... somewhere in the playlist of Glen Campbell's greatest hits is all I can figure.

That's all for now. Cheery-o! G'day, mates! (There I go showing off my linguistic gifts again ...)