Food, thy name is Malaysia

Here's what you need to know about food in Malaysia. Just have this sentence handy, and you're set:

"This is the best (insert food here) I have ever eaten!"

Yeah, Malaysia is pretty well known on the international circuit for its excellent cuisine. Part of this is because it's such a cultural cornucopia. The country has its homegrown Malays, but there's a huge Chinese population as well as Indian -- and as we have found out this week, the Japanese are on the rise in terms of throwing down some amazing chow.

In an attempt to get ready for authentic Malaysian food (not the poser stuff mentioned in the last blog from LAX), I basically did two things. The first was to eat at Merlion Restaurant in Southern Village in Chapel Hill, and also watched a lot of YouTube videos of people eating at street stalls in downtown KL. I stumbled across this guy:

Since most of you won't be coming over to eat along the streets of Malaysia, you should go see the folks at Merlion. They call themselves a "Singapore" restaurant, but let's be clear -- it's Malaysian food. Singapore, for some reason, sounds "safer" to American palates than Malaysia, so they play the game. Though it greatly offends we American-Asians, we are not ready to start a peaceful resistance against the idea. The food there is great, but it's nothing to prepare us for these first 10 days of yum.

If you watched the video, you'll note the guy has this pseudo-orgasmic face after he takes a bite of each dish. If you didn't you should go back and watch it because I just used the phrase "pseudo-orgasmic" in the previous sentence. Go ahead ... just watch the first minute. I'll wait ....................................................................................

See, I told you it was a "pseudo-orgasmic" reaction. (I hope no one under 17 is reading this ... should I put a rating on it?) Anywho, Jill and I had a great time making fun of what we thought was a grandiose overreaction to food. Then we moved here. Dude ain't faking ... Harry and Sally aren't having coffee in Malaysia! They are having Nasi Lemak!

Nasi Lemak was the first actual Malaysian dish I had here, and I had it at the hotel. That's cheating ... I need to get it at a street stall -- hopefully tomorrow. What is Nasi Lemak, you say? Well, if you weren't watching the video (I knew some of you wouldn't), it's chicken in something called Rendang sauce. I'm pretty sure Rendang translates to, "the greatest thing in the world ever created, short of pre-racist Paula Deen Poundcake," or something like that. Take the greatest chicken gravy, or spaghetti sauce, or whatever your comfort food was growing up, and chunk it out the window! Seriously -- to the curb with that mess! Rendang sauce was handed down by the culinary gods sometime in the B.C. era. It is what Krispy Kreme is to donuts. It's what the Colonel is to Fried Chicken. It's what Granny Annie is to Dumplins. You can't explain how good it is. You throw that in with some rice (did you know they eat rice in Asia?), half a boiled egg, some cucumbers, some pine nuts and some crunchy stuff that's sort of like the fish version of pork rinds, and you've got yourself the national dish of Malaysia. It's so good -- and I'm not making this up -- Jill and I had it for breakfast Sunday morning!

Breakfast of Champions!

Speaking of breakfast, the school is paying for the four of us to eat at this ridiculously great buffet at the hotel each morning. Because this is a cultural cornucopia (remember that from the first paragraph?), and because Siemens has a corporate office next door, there are lots of different nationalities hanging at the hotel every morning. And, every one of them has something from their culture to fit their early morning needs. Being the amateur sociologist I am, I have been observing eating trends amongst different cultures. Here's the down and dirty -- each culture pretty much stays within their comfort zones, and the Americans eat everything! Watermelon? Best I've ever had. Omelettes? Best I've ever had. Oatmeal -- so good, I've had a bowl every morning because IT'S THE BEST OATMEAL I'VE EVER HAD. The toast and jelly is seriously the best toast and jelly I've ever had. You can't make that last one up.

Somewhere between secretly making fun of our gluttony and trying to figure out what move we'll make next in the buffet line, I think the kitchen staff is starting to dig us. Proof? Jared got a piece of dragon fruit today, sort of the white cousin of the green kiwi, and the chef was so impressed that Jared had tried a slice, the chef brought out a whole one sliced and diced just for his favorite American Asian kid!

#CRHSbaseballinMalaysia

Dragon fruit and Nasi Lemak haven't been our only ventures outside the comfort zone. We tried some funky looking hard boiled Duck eggs one morning. I've found various meat replacements for bacon and sausage in this Islamic nation during Ramadan. Most are pretty spicy but tasty.

For those of you worried about us not having the comforts of home, I give you this -- I've already had two burgers since we got here. You might recognize the packaging for this one:

There is also a Tutti-Fruitti, a Baskin Robbins, a KFC at every corner, the evil golden arches, and yes, even a Krispy Kreme in town. Pizza -- well, still working on that one. The boys decided to invite over their new Polish-American-Asian friend for pizza and games last night (shoutout to Jon Kasprzak for opening my eyes to the value of Polish-American friends). We dialed up Domino's Pizza, and in 30 minutes or less, we had our pizzas! That's right ... no stinkin' American litigation against driving 20 km/h over the speed limit to deliver average pizza over here -- they still give it to you free if it's not on time! Of course, the conversation where I tried to order it took 20 minutes. We thought we were getting 2 XL pizzas and a 1 L 7-UP (take that, Sierra Mist!), but when it showed up, not so much:

Notice E's fist is only slightly larger than the pizza!

We suddenly had what equates to two personal pan pizzas to feed two quasi-teenage boys, Jared and two adults. At least it was only 35 ringitts, and it was there in about 20 minutes. Of course, I'm 76.3% sure that it was pre-made and slipped into the microwave before being delivered by scooter, but I can't prove it. The point is, we pretty much can have anything we want to have over here in terms of "American food" when we want it. It's imported though, so you find yourself asking if you really want to pay the equivalency of $7.50 for Florida's Own Orange Juice or $5 for some Cap'n Crunch. We think we might get to like the local flavor a bit better because FOOD HERE IS SO INSANELY CHEAP!

Sushi fans, you've been duped by the evil Japanese Steakhouse conglomerates in the States. That stuff isn't sushi, and it's so grossly overpriced, it's ridiculous. People, we have seen the light -- you've not had sushi until the Pacific Ocean is to your east. And, it's so cheap.

Pretty much the same price as a six-piece McNugget!!

We went to a sushi bar today. Jill and the boys got eight plates of sushi off the conveyor belt, I got a sashimi salad and an order of fried oysters. Total bill? RM85, which equates to about $26 in the US. Not each, for all four of us!!!!  If you want to play the Ringitt to US Dollar conversion game at home, here's the link. Those of you who are sushi enthusiasts know that the trend is to get "buy one, get one" rolls in the US ... still a scam! Fight people ! Fight for your right to tasty raw fish at a fair price. Oh, also add soy sauce and wasabi to the list of "best I've ever had" foodstuffs!

There have been some interesting cultural things we've had to figure out. For instance, if you don't say "ice water" you will get hot water. And, you're not going to get service in a restaurant here until you let them know you are ready. After sitting for about 15 minutes in the same Japanese restaurant where we got our hot water, we figured that one out.

The final misnomer that has been quickly proven wrong is that we wouldn't be able to find sweets over here. We've had more desserts in the last week than we probably would have in a month back home. There is a Secret Recipe next to our hotel. This place is the equivalency of a Chili's, or Applebee's or whatever back home. They have lots of different types of foods (Ethan had Spaghetti tonight, and Jared had a chicken sandwich), but they are well known for their desserts. Lots of cakes over here ... who said they don't know their sweets?

#MalayCakeBoss!

In terms of sweets, we turn our attention to our friends in the Down Under the Down Under. That's right ... the Kiwis in New Zealand are best known these days for producing Hobbit Shires, moody teenage pop music (Oh, my Lorde!) and Murray, Brit and Jemaine (please tell me some of you got this!). But now, I give you New Zealand Natural Ice Cream! This has defied logic. It was in a small kiosk in the first mall we went to. We thought we'd treat the boys for being such troopers to that point. What we discovered was something so amazing, it makes Rendang sauce taste like your Mom's spaghetti sauce! As you may imagine, we all agreed, it was the best ice cream we'd ever had. God milks New Zealand cows Himself to create ice cream this delicious.

This changed my life forever. #gamechanger

My final, "best I've ever had" moment comes from a food court in the basement of the Petronas Towers.

Pretty sure this is where Darth Vader stays when he comes to KL.

In the food court, each stall represents a different country. Most of these, of course, come from central and Southeast Asia. We were kind of worn out on Asian food, so we headed to the stall featuring a silhouette of 'Murica! So, you're probably curious what food is associated with the States since we are also a multi-cultural hodge podge of edible yums. Would it be a burger? Hot dogs? Pizza (even though we stole that one from Italy)? Of course not! Logically, when we all think of uniquely American food, we immediately turn our attention to:

BELGIAN WAFFLES!!!

What's more American than Betsy Ross, Baseball and Belgian Waffles? The Yankees triple-B trifecta! So, yes, the formula held true, and I don't exaggerate. I had the Banana delight, Ethan the butter and cinnamon, Jared the Choco-delight (obviously), and Jill had peanut butter and Strawberry Jam on her Belgian Waffle. And, the consensus was, as we finished ...

They were the best American Belgian Waffles we had ever had, and we got them in Malaysia!

All for now. Sorry this one didn't have as much potty humor.